Boulevard of Broken Dreams screams in my soul as a type this post, not because I’m listening to it but because in some fashion these lyrics make sense and correlate to this post. Reconciliation is not an easy road - it is hard. In the words of Green Day, “I walk a lonely road; The only one I have ever known; Don’t know where it goes; But it’s home to me and I walk alone”.
There is a truth in direct contrast to these lyrics I’m learning - the road of reconciliation is hard, which is why it cannot be walked in solitude. Reconciliation and solitude are impossible tasks for there is no one to shine light into the complexities of one’s soul and relationships.
Several weeks ago I took a risk and finally initiated a time to hang out with my brother. When push comes to shove this is not something I would say I wanted to do, rather it is something I knew I needed to do. In the context of my role and how God has shaped me it is my job to “die first”, to be the one who puts pride aside and seeks out the next, best, right step.
The thing I learned in doing this, is seeking out reconciliation is all I can do, after that it is out of my control. I made sure the responsibility is off of my shoulders and on his. We talked. We hashed out ish. He knows where I am at - now I get to wait and see - see if what he told me is true. I get to test, receive and give my brother all the hope in the world, that maybe, it is different. Only time will tell.
What I do know, is I am not in this alone. My community is with me. They are always with me. Without them, I am nothing and I would be walking a very dark and lonely road.